So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
