god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
