I love black thongs
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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