they need to just BURY HIM!
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
