Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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