it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
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