The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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