areolas are like halos for boobs.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
