We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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