i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Randomize
