Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
