are you so shy because you have an std?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I think my moral compass just broke
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
