he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Less talking, more tequila
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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