Quick, to the slutcave!
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
