You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
