its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize