Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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