Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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