walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
