he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I feel like a drive thru vagina
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
