the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
My boob is missing a layer of skin
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
