I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
