evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
