awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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