I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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