he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
