and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize