it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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