why im i the only drunk person in the library?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize