It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
