Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
