Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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