i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
