bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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