So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize