kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
