I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
