We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
