Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
