I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
