yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
pray to the hookup gods
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize