Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
