Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Your penis caused this!
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
