I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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