is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Randomize
