Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
