Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
