like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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