goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
