I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
