Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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