He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
