just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
