Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Randomize
