4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
