There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
The Olympian is in my bed
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