It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
My penis needs a shock collar
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
