i wish my penis had a tongue
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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