i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
