I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
