capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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