Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
