I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
