The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
barbara walters just said penis...
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Hippo gnu deer
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I am naked and annoyed.
I believe in your delicious
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
