I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
