so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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