So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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