He asked to "fluff my boner.."
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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