I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
