We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
