Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
