i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
