He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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