Well douche your snatch and let's go!
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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