That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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